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Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Are you their REAL mom?

From the first day we had our children we have always be asked questions about them. The usual questions people have when they are curious:
Are they adopted?
Where are they from?
How long have you had them?
Was it hard to adopt?
We have always been very willing to answer the questions, hoping that other families will become interested in adopting. I always say that Adoption is one of my favorite subjects to discuss!! But we were out last week shopping for Harrison a mattress for his new big boy bed and the sales lady just made me mad!! (not that people have not done that before!!) Jason was loading the mattress when she turned to me and asked, "Are these your children?" I proudly replied, "yes!". Then she said, "I mean are they really your children?" I replied, "YES!" I guess she thought I did not know what she was implying so she then asked, "What I mean is are you really their mom?". At this point she had made me mad, and I could not believe she would be so rude (after we spent money in her store). But I wanted to make sure that she understood how I felt about her questions so I said, "Yes, I am their REAL mom, the only mom that they have had and the only one that they will ever have! But if you want to know if they are adopted you should just asked that!" She quit asking questions after that! This was not the first time I have encountered rude people! I have been asked before if the kids call me mom since I am not really their mom, or why I had those Hispanic kids with me, or why we did not just have our OWN children!! Just because I did not carry these children in my womb for 9 months (adoption pregnancy is much longer!!) does not make me any less their mom! We spend many months praying that they were healthy, longing to hold them in our arms, months worth of paperwork, thousands of dollars, sleepless nights when they are sick, and made many wonderful memories as a family (just as any other mom). I know that I am not the only adoptive mom that has encountered rude people, but I just needed to vent a little!
Jason and I were talking the other day about how people see beauty in nature God created, but some people don't see that same beauty in the multitude of races of people that God created. Giving birth to a child is a beautiful thing, as well as adopting a child. Either way, when you are a mom you are a REAL MOM!

6 comments:

happymomof2 said...

I have read your blog and keep up with it. YOUR children are precious. We too have two adopted children- we adopted from within the states however both our children have Korean birthmoms so I know exactly what you are talking about and understand the need to vent. The usual questions are the ones we get too, especially "where did you get them?" My response is God and that usually stops any questions from there. I too think my favorite subject to talk on is adoption to those who are truely interested! Thank you for sharing your story and look forward to reading more. By the way I came across your blog by way of Mike and Molly Spivey (my husband use to work with Mike in Louisville).
Kristen

Flynt Family said...

Hey Marsha!! I'm so happy that you found my blog!! I enjoyed reading yours so much. Your family is just precious!

Hurst Family said...

Hi Marsha! I haven't seen you or Jason in sooo long!! So happy to hear about your children. I can't think of two more people any more deserving or that would be better parents!! Congratulations, and I will definitely be checking this often! Love, Tara Taylor Hurst

The Yates' said...

I agree with you, granted I carried my daughter in my womb I do not consider her any more mine then yours are yours, and like you said "adoptive pregnancy" usually takes much longer! I count it a blessing to be able to have children and can not imagine how much you and your husband went through to become parents and after all that to have people be so inconsiderate! I admire your family and you are right you are a REAL MOM and noone can ever take that from you, your children are blessed beyond measure to be a part of your family! I hope and pray that God opens the door for us to adopt someday!

D & A said...

Oh girl that makes me mad right along with you!

You are an awesome Mommy and one day those children of yours will rise up and call you blessed...

Sarah said...

Marsha... I have not had that posed to me like that before... but your answer was perfect. Shame on people for being so ignorant that they can't talk nicely.