Thursday, February 19, 2009

February a month of joy and sorrow.

February is a month with many celebrations in our family:
Valentine's Day
Jason's Birthday (he doesn't want anyone to know that!)
My grandmother's Birthday (today)
But it also marks an anniversary that is difficult for me. For those of you who read this blog often know Jason and I struggle with infertility. We do see the blessing in our struggle, #1 God has giving us three wonderful children through the miracle of adoption, and #2 we have learned to trust God in all circumstances! However, it is still an issue I still deal with everyday.
February 2003 is when Jason and I "thought" we were ready to start a family. So I have seen February come and go for 6 years now. That is 72 months of hoping, 312 weeks of counting days, 2,190 days of praying.
Do I love my children, ABSOLUTELY!!!
Have I given up on knowing what it is like to carry a child in my womb and bring life into this world, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
I may never get to know what that is like, but I DO know what it is like to be a mother and I praise God for that everyday!!! We want our house full of children, however God wants to give them to us!!
I found this online that a lady wrote about her struggle with infertility and I can really identify with her, hope you enjoy.

Rain and Sunlight --by Sandra
Imagined if you lived somewhere in the rain...and everyday someone talked about seeing the sunlight, but you had never seen it. No matter how much you pretend that it doesn't bother you --you still have never seen it. Once you came close....but missed it. You have waited in a line for years, awaiting the chance that someday it would be your turn. People have come and gone...friends have since got up and walked into the sunlight and have forgotten me....lost in the darkness. Some people wonder why I still wish I could see the sunlight since I have lived in the darkness all my life. Some ask me if I still want to see it, thinking I have given up hope of seeing it. Some will never know the loss of waiting...., most will never understand the need to wait forever...., some can't understand why I try...
Someday it will be my turn in the sun.

My 3 little Blessings!


Hannah said...

I hope and pray that ALL your dreams are fulfilled by the Lord. I took struggled with infertility for years. I KNEW I would adopt, I just did not know I would NEED to adopt. I just wanted babies and I still want more, but I don't have a strong desire to get pregnant ...just to have more babies.

My mom has adopted and given birth and says both are beautiful journeys that lead to the same destination.

I hope and pray that you are able to experience the beauty of pregnancy and giving birth...very soon :)

Leslie said...

What beautiful children GOD gave you!!!!

p.S i love the girls dresses!

happymomof2 said...

THANK YOU for sharing- you get me! Sometimes I feel like I am all alone and no one gets what I am feeling/ going through. Yes I have two absolutely beautiful children through adoption and I would not change that however to just have that experience. I cried when I read your post today because you said it so well. God Bless You!!!

Lisa said...

Beautiful post. I am sure it is hard for you to pour out your heart like that, but it touches me when you do.

Pineapple Princess said...

Gorgeous family! What an incredible blessing! :)

Vanessa said...

I could hardly believe it as I read your words today!! I have been pregnant twice with both resulting in a baby and have also adopted! I love all my children, but I too want more children. We're still struggling with infertility and are making some serious choices right now. I have PCOS and Olivia was truly a surprise, but a miracle to us. We're embarking on the journey to infertility treatments again and we're trusting that God lead us to this new doctor for a reason! May His will be done!! Now if GUA opens again I'm sure I'll want to adopt again!!
Just remain strong and know you're not alone! Feel free to email me any time!!

Life with Kaishon said...

Your blessings are so beautiful! I am so glad God blessed your family with them. How precious!

Melinda said...

I think you wrote what is on many of our hearts. The loss of a dream, any dream, is so excruciating. There are still days when the pain is so raw, while other days I feel as if I've dealt with it and have moved on. Its such a roller coaster of emotions! Thank you for being so open and honest!


The Rings said...

You are so precious Marsha! I watch you with your children and hope to be like you one day! You were such a blessing to me while adopting Will... You took all of the uncertainty surrounding and covered it with your warmth and the beautiful story you have with your 3 children. Would have been such a harder 9 months then it was were it not for your words of encouragement...

Tammy said...

Thank you for opening up. We have friends with the same struggle, it helps to know a little of what they are going through so I can be a better friend.